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December 20, 2012
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    "He did it again." you whispered into the chest you currently were snuggled in deeply. The arms that were wrapped around you tighten at your words, "He won't leave me alone. Why can't he treat me like he treats my sister and brother?" you muttered tiredly, feeling the tears forming in your eyes. You heard the tired sigh, and knew he didn't have the answers you were looking for. You knew that the only one who had the answers was your dad and he never gave you the time of day. "I get it. It's hard to be the oldest child. More responsibility  more pressure, more.....everything, just not more freedom. I feel like I'm being watched every second of the day. As if everything I do, every step I take, is measured and calculated." you whispered, feeling the old anger rise in your chest, "Why the fuck does he push me away? What the fuck did I do to that....that bastard?" you cried out. You pulled away, suddenly with so much anger so much raw feelings you couldn't control. You sat on your knees and looked at the man in front of you. He watched you in surprise, with his beautiful violate eyes. 

    "(Nickname) , you know why he is doing this." Matthew commented, with a sad smile on his face, "You will be leaving soon for college. You are the first one to inflict the pain of separation on him. He doesn't know how to react." 

    "Fuck that shit, Mattie! I don't give a flying fuck on what pain I'm causing him. I'm hurting too Matthew. I feel the pain of my dad not wanting me anymore! Everything I do is meet with unaccepted and anger! He just seems to hate me." you sob into your eyes. You hated being weak. You hated the feeling of utter failure. You hated yourself, for not being what your father wanted, for not being good enough for anyone. "I'm so fucking sorry I wasn't born a boy. I'm so fucking sorry I wasn't smart enough to be first in my class. I'm so fucking sorry I'm not up to his standards!" you cried out and felt the warmth of Matthew's arms as they wrapped around your shoulders, pulling your face into his chest. 

    "(y/n), you are smart, one of the smartest person I know! You weren't first in class because you were out for a month with that high fever, but you did come in secund! You are up to his standards, my dad says he brags about you all the time!" Matthew cried out and your sobs started turning into hic-ups. Slowly he raised your chin so that you could look him in the eyes, "And if you were born a boy, I wouldn't be doing this." he whispered, as he leaned in to kiss you. You returned the kiss, feeling the happiness he brought you build up inside your chest. He pulled away and smiled at you, "You're perfect, (Y/n), to me, to your dad, to everyone. You amazingly smart, you have a great personality and you are so beautiful. You make the moon shine when it doesn't want to. You make the cricket gasp in amazement as you pass by. You make everyone's heart stop when you start to talk. I love you, because you are all these things and more. Never talk yourself down. Don't let this little thing with your father bother you too much, once the both of you get used to the idea of being separated then everything will go back to being normal. Trust me." Matthew whispered and hugged you. 

    You pulled him closer and sighed. He was right, everything will fix it self with time, and eventually you and your dad will go back to the way it used to be.
I wrote this because I've been feeling......unwanted by my dad. Seeing as I'm about a year and a half away from leaving home for college and being the oldest of his three kids. When I turned fourteen I noticed my dad start pulling away, and it's gotten to the point where everything I do is somehow wrong, or not good enough. My mom has explained it billions of times to me, but that doesn't stop the pain. And we had a situation today which turned into a very heated fight, and I'm feeling at my all time low. :/

I don't think the story is really good, but it's how I'm feeling and I think Matthew (Canada) would be the best guy for figuring out the solution.


Comments and feedback is loved and appreciated ~
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:iconmochi-and-2p-rose:
Mochi-and-2P-Rose Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Can canada comfort me aswell?
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:iconbluefur101:
Bluefur101 Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013
Awww! I want a guy who will tell me something like that!! And I hope that you stay strong with your dad... :( sad to hear that that's going on. :hug:
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:iconhisokaishi:
HisokaIshi Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I hope you'll find a guy like that some day(:

I'm trying, :hug: my mom says it'll take time.
Thank you, :)
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:iconbluefur101:
Bluefur101 Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2013
:/ I know what it's like to have parent problems.
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:iconhisokaishi:
HisokaIshi Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Really? :(
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:iconbluefur101:
Bluefur101 Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2013
Yeah. :/
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:iconhisokaishi:
HisokaIshi Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I hope your situation get better :/
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:iconbluefur101:
Bluefur101 Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2013
yeah, it'll get better. XP
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:iconhisokaishi:
HisokaIshi Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:)
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:iconkai1412:
Kai1412 Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Wait... wait... how did you know about my secondness and practical month long sickness...?
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